“How do you see me as a leader?” (. . .or, as a colleague, friend, parent?)

We take for granted that the people who work for us or with us understand and respect what we stand for— that they appreciate our values and approach to work. The same goes in our personal lives, with regard to our family members and friends. But do they know who we really are? How do we know? You can create a truly intimate and inspired conversation by asking this question. You may learn something unexpected. 

When to use the question 

• Any time you want to know how others perceive your leadership.
• To discover if those closest to you— family, friends, colleagues— understand who you are and what you stand for. 
• To shake people up who are on the fence about your intentions. 

Alternative versions of the question 

• “What do you think I stand for?” 
• “If you were to summarize the principles or values I exemplify, what would some of them be?”

Follow-up questions 

• “What have I done that has really reinforced that?”
•  “What else could I do to better communicate and be a role model for these things?” 
• “Why do you think that?”

Sobel, Andrew; Panas, Jerold (2012-01-05). Power Questions: Build Relationships, Win New Business, and Influence Others (p. 108). Wiley. Kindle Edition.