I
recently met with a capable and driven executive and asked him, “How
are you?” He gave me a rapid-fire answer of all of the things he was
doing: travelling, business updates, career changes and his children’s
innumerable activities. It sounded like an intense but satisfying life.
Then I asked him again, “How are you
really?”
And the moment I did, he became emotional and the reality of his life
just flooded out of him: his stress, his frustration of trying to juggle
it all, his sense that he had no time to really think, or play with his
children or enjoy any of it. The (cute) summary is this: his schedule
was always filled but his life wasn’t fulfilled. What is less cute is
the idea that he, and many of us, have been sold a bill of goods.
We’ve
been sold on a heroic ideal of the uber-man and super-women who kill
themselves saying yes to everyone, sleeping four hours a night and
straining to fit everything in. How often have you heard people say, “I
am
so busy right now!” But it almost seemed like a back-door brag.
But
it’s a bogus badge of honor. It suffocates our ability to think and
create. It holds otherwise hard working, capable people back from our
highest contribution. Below are a few of the myths of success that hold
us back from becoming very successful.
Myth 1: Successful people say, "If I can fit it in, I should fit it in."
Truth: Very successful people are absurdly selective.
As
Warren Buffet is credited with having said, “The difference between
successful people and very successful people is that very successful
people say no to almost everything.”
As I wrote in a piece for
Harvard Business Review, this means, "Not just haphazardly saying no,
but purposefully, deliberately, and strategically eliminating the
nonessentials. Not just once a year as part of a planning meeting, but
constantly reducing, focusing and simplifying. Not just getting rid of
the obvious time wasters, but being willing to cut out really terrific
opportunities as well. Few appear to have the courage to live this
principle, which may be why it differentiates successful people and
organizations from the very successful ones."
Myth 2: Successful people sleep four hours a night.
Truth: Very successful people rest well so they can be at peak performance.
In
K. Anders Ericsson's famous study of violinists, popularized by Malcolm
Gladwell as the "10,000 hour rule," Anders found that the best
violinists spent more time practicing than the merely good students.
What is less well known is that the second most important factor
differentiating the best violinists from the good ones was actually
sleep. The best violinists averaged 8.6 hours of sleep in every 24 hour
period.
Myth 3: Successful people think play is a waste of time.
Truth: Very successful people see play as essential for creativity.
Just
think of Sir Ken Robinson, who has made the study of creativity in
school's his life's work. He has observed that instead of fueling
creativity through play, schools actually kill it: "We have sold
ourselves into a fast-food model of education, and it's impoverishing
our spirit and our energies as much as fast food is depleting our
physical bodies. Imagination is the source of every form of human
achievement."
Myth 4: Successful people are the first ones to jump in with an answer.
Truth: Very successful people are powerful listeners.
As
the saying goes, the people who talk the most don't always have the
most to say. Powerful listeners get to the real story. They find the
signal in the sound. They listen to what is not being said.
Myth 5: Successful people focus on what the competition is doing.
Truth: Very successful people focus on what they can do better.
The
"winningest coach in America" is Larry Gelwix, the former Head of the
Highland High School rugby team. His team won 418 games with only 10
losses in over 36 years. One of the key questions he challenged his
players to ask was “What’s important now?" He didn't want his players
getting distracted with what the other team was doing. He wanted them to
play their own game.
Last week I took a tour of the
Kennedy Presidential Library in Boston, Massachusetts. One of the quotes
there grabbed my attention. John F. Kennedy said, "The great enemy of
the truth is very often not the lie, deliberate, contrived and
dishonest, but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic."
The
myth here is celebrated in modern culture: it’s someone who is capable,
driven and wants to win and be popular. They have been rewarded for
their willingness to take it all on, fit it all in and just make it
happen. They believe doing more is better than doing less. I call this
type of person a Nonessentialist.
Still, there is a new hero in
our story. She asks, “What is essential?” and is willing to eliminate
everything else. He says no to the less important activities so they can
give themselves fully to the few things that really matter. It is a
path that takes courage. It may require making the tradeoff between
short-term popularity and long-term respect. It leads to a greater sense
of control and even joy. But as an added benefit it also seems to be
the thing that distinguishes the successful from the very successful.